And so it begins. The falling again. Watching your own heart open & weep painful hot tears. The pain of separation which leaves me gasping; like a small child.
Something I'd like to tell my 16 year old self? Get hardened to it sister, right now, because it never gets any better, any easier: nip it in the bud before you grow into it. Except I didn't.
Your mind plays tricks with your heart or is it your heart which makes a fool of the mind? My heart aches for the man, but is he real or were my desires and hopes projected onto him? I fear it may have been the latter: so, here I stand, the deceived and the deceiver of my own feelings.
His darker side scared me? No. More, ashamedly, I am smarting from not being taken there: kept separate. A whole side he hid away from me.
My friends, the real ones, are around me: ready to cheer me on and bolster me up. But it's very hard to hear words of how beautiful, sexy and clever you are when the man who used to say it no longer speaks. And if you don't believe it either? Well, you're onto a non starter really.
So here I am, at the starting line, watching the smoking gun and unable to move.