It would be so very, very easy to stay in La La Land: beautiful climate, gorge views, everything is simple, laid back and FUN!!!! God I have been missing fun - the simple, straightforward excitement of it. Very, VERY refreshing.
Home involves trying to keep up a fragile facade when I really want to shriek "Go awaaaaaaaay!!!"; stuck in the lull of inertia: have been unable to train properly due to my son's school holidays and injury; the position I am training so HARD for isn't even open yet & don't know when it will be. New abode cannot begin until I know I have a secure income to keep me & Lil Man happy. Gah!! Incredibly frustrating.
For various reasons I have not mentioned Man On The Horizon: this shall probably be the only time: purely out of respect for his privacy. There is a hazy shadow out there on the horizon: sometimes I can make him out clearly but then I look and he's not there. He is very nice. He knows that I know he is very nice. I have told him so. Every now & again he makes a step forwards & then retreats back 10. I honestly don't know what he does or doesn't want: what he likes & what he's bothered by. The last time I physically saw him was June-JUNE!!!!! That says a lot doesn't it?! But you know when you can clearly see in your head that it would be an absolutely no hassle, not even remotely tied at the hip, but still reliable & fun, gentle exciting kind of coupling? (I wouldn't even presume to use the word relationship). I really do think it would be one of those: a kind of real go with the flow thing. As they should be, really.
But the thing is we have hit a huge stumbling block: meeting again has not happened for several reasons and it's been so long now that it's silly. But I just keep thinking, ffs, if we could JUST meet up then we would realise (or not) that there's a fun spark there. The whole thing is becoming a bit of an elephant in the room; but you don't want to scoop up it's shit & shoo it out because you know it could be a good 'un.
There is, of course, still the Other Man who is not as complex as I thought: he's handsome & keen (which is always a good thing), but he's not the Man On The Horizon & for some reason that's where my hopes are fixed, out there on the skyline.
So, whilst I'm here in such a vibrant but laid back place part of me is so very tempted just to stay put, to stick my head in the sand, to give up and give in and just soak up the rays instead....